Author: admin

Categories
Bathroom

The Bathroom Incident

‘I’ll be honest folks, I’ve never seen anything like that before.’

Our plumber scratched himself as he looked at the mess our bathroom had become – tiles broken, pipes bursting through the walls, the floor half-collapsed underneath our gorgeous claw-foot bathtub.

‘Is it fixable?’ Bessie squeaked from by my side.

‘Whatya think?’ I asked him, eyes wide.

‘Is what fixable?’ he frowned, gesturing around the room. ‘I see at least four issues that would require a full-bathroom-remodel on their own.’

‘So can you do it?’ Bessie blinked at him from behind her gigantic glasses.

The plumber sighed, taking off his cap to rub his bald spot.

‘I’ll make some calls.’

He trundled off, phone in hand, and I turned to my wife with a weak grin.

‘See? It’s fixable!’

‘Ohh!’ she grumbled, smacking me weakly on the arm. ‘Tell that man that we need a new bathtub!’

‘The bath is fine,’ I frowned, puzzled. ‘It’s the only thing in here that survived.’

‘But everything else was destroyed because you’re too proud to get a bath tub conversion! Sydney is full of young people who can get in and out of baths easily – we aren’t them anymore!’

I sighed and kicked at a stray piece of tile.

‘Do you really think it’s come to that?’

She pointed at the hole in the roof and frowned harder than I’d ever seen a human face frown.

‘Yes. Yes I do.’

‘I just hate going down that road, you know? Once you install a simple bathtub safety modification for seniors, then you’re just one step away from having a chair to get up the stairs and a nurse to help feed you.’

Bessie’s face softened slightly and she came to stand next to me.

‘That’ll never happen,’ she said, stroking my arm. I smiled and patted her hand, gazing down into her eyes through those huge, huge glasses.

‘We don’t have stairs.’

Categories
Drains

Inspecting Drains

I think there is something inside the drains at the front of my house. I’m not sure what it is but whatever it is has made my drains become blocked and I think it’s impacting the rest of my sewerage system too. I need to get a drain plumber out here as soon as possible to rectify the issue.

I have contacted the plumber and asked him to complete drain camera inspections. In the Melbourne area, it’s not uncommon for random things to go down the drain and so I’m sure that the plumber will find something during his camera inspection. I just hope that whatever it is can be dislodged quickly and easily, because I don’t want any more sewerage problems going forward. 

The drain plumber came this morning to inspect my drains. As I suspected, there was something lodged deep in the drain that was causing drainage problems. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out but I’m glad to have had the drain plumber confirm my suspicions. 

Just as I had hoped, he was able to rectify the problem quickly and easily (to his standard, it certainly wouldn’t have been easy for me. In fact, it would have been impossible). I was glad to have avoided a full scale sewer replacement. Melbourne drains are slowly being replaced one by one but I’m hoping mine don’t need to be replaced until after I moved. I hope to move to a suburb that has already had its drains replaced so that I don’t have to deal with all the issues that come with it.

I can rest easy tonight knowing that my drains are unblocked and I don’t need a sewer replacement. As someone who likes to keep things in order, that is very comforting and I am happy about it. I hope to have no more issues with my drains while I live in this property.

Categories
Conveyancing

The Last Straw

‘Dammit, Rebecca!’

Gerald sprang to his feet, driving his fist into the table. Padded in leather like it was, it didn’t make much of a sound, but he still obviously felt like it got his point across.

‘You’re being unreasonable!’ she shouted, throwing her own chair back and rising to her feet.

‘Because I want to spend time with my children?’

‘Because you don’t think I want to spend time with my children!’

‘Alright, alright,’ I said soothingly, alone in sitting at the table. ‘Let’s all take a deep breath before we say something–’

‘You never cared about them,’ Gerald spat through gritted teeth, his eyes beginning to glisten with tears.

‘Yeah, something like that would do it,’ I sighed, taking off my glasses so I could rub the bridge of my nose. I could hear my mother’s voice ringing in my head, telling me I should have become a local conveyancer servicing the Brighton area, instead of a divorce lawyer servicing the Brighton area.

‘Of course I care about them,’ Rebecca gasped, hand going to where her pearls would have been if she wasn’t trying to hide them from me as an asset. ‘I was always the one who fed them, clothed them, walked them–’

An alarm bell went off in the back of my head, and I put my glasses back on.

‘Taking them to sit next to you while you get a pastry at the local café doesn’t count as walking them!’ Gerald scoffed.

‘And I suppose working all weekend when you promised we’d take them to the park, that does?’

‘Just to confirm,’ I interjected dryly, ‘we’re talking about dogs, correct?’

‘Mimi and FooFoo,’ Gerald’s voice cracked. ‘Who else would we be talking about?’

‘Who else indeed,’ I muttered, scratching a note onto my legal pad. Rebecca frowned down at it.

‘Why did you just write the word “conveyancing”? she asked.

‘No reason,’ I said quickly, slamming the cover shut. ‘Is there any chance you two are still secretly in love and looking for someone to tell you that’s what’s going on?’

‘No!’ they shouted in unison.

‘Great,’ I smiled at them. ‘I quit.’

Categories
Drains

Area of Expertise

Hello, it’s me again. The girl who is struggling so much with being an adult that she spends days at a time crying, unable to pick up the phone and call a plumber even when she desperately needs one. It’s unfortunate that this is how I define myself and how people know me. I’m just the girl who can’t handle being anything other than a girl – I don’t want to be an adult. I don’t want to deal with the blocked sewer near my house. Melbourne is such an old city and has such old buildings that pretty much every house in my street is dealing with the same problems. It’s too much for me. I just want to live a stress free and fun life – is that too much to ask?

I wish I could just get my dad to come over and do my drain repairs. In the Brighton area, it’s not hard to come across a variety of qualified plumbers, but I don’t like talking on the phone and so I try to avoid doing that where I can. Unfortunately my dad isn’t a qualified plumber and there’s no way he’d be able to fix my blocked sewer and broken drains. That means I have to suck it up and call a plumber even though I don’t want to. Part of me just wants to live with the drain issues for the rest of my life but that’s not very feasible. So I have to bite the bullet and call. Here it goes.

The conversation went well. He’s going to come in the next couple of days to fix my drains. He said that I don’t need to worry about it and that it’s well within his area of expertise to be able to fix my drains with no issues. I’m just going to put it out of my head now and hope for the best.

Categories
Car Servicing

Final Goodbyes

The ferry dinged its final goodbye as it drifted down the harbour, disappearing into a thick layer of fog long before it could vanish behind the horizon. I waved, with no idea whether he could still see me or not, but quickly ran back to my car as the chill set in.

The doors blipped open obediently as my frozen fingers mashed the button on my keys, and I slipped into the driver’s seat, breathing into my hands to bring some life back to them. I fumbled for the ignition, pre-setting the air conditioning dial so that it would blow heat at me as soon as the car started.

I twisted the key in the ignition, bracing myself.

The car groaned, but nothing turned on.

‘What the hell?’ I frowned in the general direction of the engine and tried again. Nothing. On the third try, a flurry of lights flashed on my dashboard, and I scowled at them.

I pulled out my phone and tapped a number with my frozen fingers.

‘Hi, mum,’ I sighed when she picked up. ‘Can you come get me? I’m at the pier.’

‘What’s wrong with your car?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know, it just won’t start.’

‘Why don’t you get Dean to look at it? Doesn’t he work in auto electrics in the Hobart area?’

‘He is, which is why I just put him on a ferry back to Hobart,’ I frowned.

‘Oh dear,’ she tutted.

‘Can you help me or not?’ I rested my head on the steering wheel. ‘Because if not, I’ll just call Jess–’

‘Oh, of course I can help!’ she chided me. ‘So why didn’t you go with him?’

‘Bye!’ I said, and hung up. I called my sister next.

‘I need your help Jess,’ I said, and explained the situation to her. ‘I’d normally get Dean to help with stuff for my car. Service around Hobart can be spotty though, so I don’t think he’d get my call and–’

‘Say no more!’ she called down the line. ‘I’m on my… hang on. Why is mum calling me?’

I slammed my head back onto the steering wheel.

Categories
Glass

Calling The Glazier

With fifteen minutes left until the end of the work day, I really need to call up the glass balustrade professional. I’m sure you all remember my story from the weekend where I recounted the fact that Barry had barged through our glass doors which lead to the backyard, smashing the glass into tiny little pieces. Well, I said that I’d either work up the courage to call on Monday or my housemate would do it (they didn’t do it) and here it is with fifteen minutes to go until close of business and I haven’t given them a call. Why is being an adult so stressful!

I know what I have to ask for – a full scale glass replacement. Melbourne has glaziers available that could definitely come and fix our glass doors as soon as possible, but I just haven’t been able to call out of fear of judgement and the price. I know that’s unfair of me to be worried about seeing as these are really professional and hardworking people, but my anxiety gets the better of me at times which really hurts the way I engage with people.

I just wish that this hadn’t happened in the first place. I wish that Barry hadn’t been so inconsiderate of our space and barged through our glass door. I mean, how hard is it to stop for a second and look where you’re walking before going anywhere? Surely it can’t be that difficult. Now because of Barry I have to talk on the phone with the glass balustrade expert. Local to Melbourne, which is where I live, it should be easy for the glass balustrade person to come out and fix the doors. I know, I know – I’ve already said this. I’m procrastinating giving the glass balustrade guy a call. Isn’t that obvious? Well, there are only three minutes left in the day. I guess I’m not giving him a call tonight. That would be inconsiderate of me when I’m sure he just wants to go home.

Categories
Office Design

The Office

I kicked aside a stack of papers, scattering onto the carpet. I looked around at the office, run down and abandoned. I remembered how tidy it had been, how organised, before… well.

Before.

‘Jackpot!’ I heard a hushed cry behind me, and turned to look as Alex came out of the staff kitchen. He held a couple of packets of noodles aloft in victory, stuffing them into a rough-sewn leather bag as if the Others were going to arrive and steal them from him.

‘Nice work,’ I nodded, taking one last look around the office.

‘What’s your problem?’ he asked, adjusting his mask. ‘You knew this place?’

‘Yeah,’ I said softly. ‘I worked here for a few years. Quit a couple months before it all broke down and moved out west. Probably the only reason I survived.’

‘Where did you sit?’ Alex snorted. ‘Did you have a cubicle?’

‘None of those were here when I was,’ I frowned. ‘They must have had someone come in and redo the office fitout. Melbourne used to be just there,’ I whispered, pointing at what was left of a window.

‘Well, it’s not any more,’ Alex said, absentmindedly picking up a desk toy and putting it in his bag. ‘No use dwelling on the past.’

‘I guess,’ I sighed. ‘I wish I could have seen it though.’

‘I thought you had an apartment there?’ Alex frowned.

‘No, I meant… I meant the new office design and renovation. Melbourne… Melbourne I saw plenty of.’

‘Well you’ve seen it now,’ Alex said, getting antsy. ‘Look, the sun is almost down, and we sure don’t want to be caught in here when it gets dark.’

‘You’re right,’ I nodded, my hand unconsciously rubbing at the scars on my neck. ‘We better go.’

He shuffled out ahead of me, checking the hallway was clear as I took one last, sunset-lit look at the life I’d used to know.

Categories
Renovations

My Renovation Goals

Nothing is more exciting to me than planning new home renovations. For my own home, of course. Every cent I can save up goes directly to funding my renovation habits. Some people might think it’s weird to redo a house every year, but I think it’s refreshing. I like getting to change my aesthetic to suit my current goals and the current mood of the world. For example, sometimes I go with darker aesthetics when I’m in a more contemplative mood, while when I’m all set on having a glow up, I turn to white, bright, minimalist aesthetics.

I’m currently in discussions with one of the best kitchen installation companies Melbourne has to offer. I know what you’re probably thinking: if you’re so good at renovations and have done them so many times, why would you ever need assistance from an outside company? And to that, I answer: curiosity. I always believe that my own knowledge and skills can be improved, and frankly I’m just generally curious to see what an expert company can do. There are only so many times you can paint over a cabinet before you start thinking that maybe your ideas and inspiration needs a bit of a refresh.

For this particular renovation, I’m considering going with the trends and painting everything a nice shade of green. I’ll obviously have a chat with my kitchen designer first, but I do believe it would contrast nicely with the plants in my garden. If I combine the green base with some bespoke gold finishings, I wouldn’t be surprised if this month’s renovation ends up being the nicest one I’ve ever done.

The company I’ve hired is extremely knowledgeable, just as I imagined they would be. They’ve already given me heaps of tips that I know I’m going to use in my next renovation. I’ll send you some progress pictures so you can follow along with all the exciting updates on my current kitchen renovation and everything involved.

Categories
Welding

A Boat Order

Hello, this is a call out to anybody who knows anything about boats. I would really like a boat. However, they are extremely expensive and I don’t have enough money to afford one. Another issue is that the boat I would like is very specific to my individual tastes and I have been unable to find one at any boat store I’ve visited. Therefore, I would like somebody to build my boat from scratch, but I would like it to be done for free.

I would specifically like it to be completed by the most-established marine welding company in the Melbourne area, and I would like them to complete it to the best of their abilities. In terms of design, the boat needs to have every single colour of the rainbow on it, including the ones outside the visible electromagnetic spectrum. Yes, I would like the boat to be painted in many places, including the hull and the engine. Speaking of the engine, I would like it to be faster than an aeroplane. This is very important to me, as I have many missions to complete within my boat and if it is not one of the fastest machines to exist on the water, then how could I possibly even think about using it?

One aspect that is usually overlooked but is actually completely necessary is this little contraption called a boat latch. I have no idea what it is meant to do, but I’ve heard that it can make it easier to launch your boat and also to tie it up again at the end of the day. Either way, if all of the best boats have it, then I want it for my own.

I also need properly outfitted living quarters, and a safe that is completely indestructible. Please ensure these things are done promptly, as the boat must be completed, finished, done, and ready for me to pick up and use by tomorrow morning at the absolute latest. Thank you.

Categories
Wallpaper

Our Baby’s Wallpaper

I have a really exciting update for you all. My wife gave birth last week! That’s right, we have a beautiful son named Patrick and he’s the light of my life. I’ve sent a picture around to some of you so you can see what he looks like, and I’m sure you’ll all agree that he’s gorgeous. Such a smiley and happy little baby and he rarely cries through the night.

My wife and I are very grateful for our experience with Patrick. We’re currently adding the finishing touches to his nursery, since Patrick was born a little bit early and we didn’t have the opportunity to complete his bedroom before we left the house on the day of my wife’s labour. It’s fine at the moment, since Patrick is sleeping in our bedroom with us, but once he’s big enough for his own bedroom, I want to ensure it’s already decked out with all the proper Australian-standard nursery wallpaper, and comfortable cots, and development activities so that he grows up to be the smartest and most capable human being on the entire planet.

Maybe that’s asking a bit much, actually. Maybe just the best person in our town. That’s definitely achievable, especially with the combination of my wife’s brilliant genes and my own genes. I want to get Patrick involved in history and science, and we figured the best way to do that would be to buy dinosaur wallpaper online and paste it to the walls in the direct eyeline of Patrick’s cot. Dinosaurs are so versatile, and they seem like a really simple way to introduce children to the wonderful world of animals.

When Patrick gets older, I can always swap the wallpaper out for cars or something similar to get him interested in engineering. We obviously want to set him up for a career that is in high demand and makes a lot of money. Since we bought the removable wallpaper option, it’s very easy to switch the design whenever we want.