‘I can’t believe this is finally happening!’ my wife squealed with joy, grabbing the lapels of my jacket in her excitement. She had to let go and quickly duck back to her side of the hallway as a tradesmen walked past with a bucket of tiles, nodding politely at us.
Then Jeanie went back to squealing.
‘It’s exciting,’ I nodded, trying to force my face into an enthused expression. ‘Very exciting.’
‘What is it?’ she frowned. ‘Vanessa, you said when we got married that you wouldn’t do this!’
‘Do what?’ I protested, pressing myself flat against the wall as another builder squeezed through.
‘Get all… weird,’ Jeanie frowned, gesturing at me vaguely, ‘and not tell me why.’
‘I know,’ I sighed. ‘Look, it’s nothing, I promise.’
‘You promise?’ she raised an eyebrow at me.
‘I promise,’ I smiled flatly. She scoped me out for a few moments, then shook her head.
‘Nope, I don’t buy it.’
‘Oh come on,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘What is there to buy?’
‘Is it the colour we chose for the shower grout repair? You can trust that it’ll hold up over time,’ she insisted. ‘That’s what the tin says at least.’
‘No, it’s not the grout.’ It’s never the grout.
‘A-ha!’ Jeanie pointed, then pulled her hand back to let another tradesman through. ‘But it is something!’
‘It’s…’ I hesitated. ‘It’s mostly nothing.’
‘Vanessa, come on,’ she rolled her eyes this time. ‘Just tell me!’
‘Fine!’ I threw my hands up. ‘It’s them!’
I pointed at the newest tradie to walk through our door. He paused, then slowly turned around and walked back out.
‘The company near Melbourne that does bathroom renovations?’ Jeanie frowned. ‘What’s wrong with them?’
‘Nothing,’ I shook my head. ‘But what’s wrong with me?’
‘Huh?’
‘You know I love renovating bathrooms,’ I said, lip quivering. ‘But you didn’t even ask me – you just hired these guys!’
A small group of them had clustered outside our front door, looking inside nervously.
‘Oh, Vanessa,’ Jeanie looked at me with a smile. ‘Can I tell you something?’
I looked up at her with a smile. ‘Yeah?’
‘You’re terrible at renovating.’
‘What?!’